Emotions have gotten a bad rap for 1,000,000,000s of years. We have been taught that some feelings are good – positive emotions – and some feelings are bad – negative emotions.
Fear, anger, inadequate, not good enough, depression, lost, lonely, worthless, sad, abandoned, irrelevant, etc. are to be avoided at all costs. Only happy, joyous, fun, exciting, motivated, inspired, playful, adequate, energized, connected, etc. are to be tolerated and embraced.
Let me ask you, would any creator build something that on purpose had extra parts that you had to get rid of to make it work well?
Imagine every day before you could start your car, you had to lift the hood and get rid of car parts! Would that make any sense?
Your creator didn’t do that either! There is nothing to get rid of! In fact, our creator gave us everything we need to have a fulfilling and joyous life. We just have to know how to use what has been given effectively.
We were created complete exactly as we are.
I was watching a TedTalk once where a doctor was pointing at the slide and saying, “Do you see that little bump on that cell? We thought that that was useless, but it turns out it might hold the cure for cancer.” Nothing is useless. Every cell has a purpose and so do your “negative” emotions.
Emotions have all the answers.
We feel every second of every hour of every day. Since feelings are a source of information, it is like having your GPS there to tell you which way to go at every moment!
As the Hippies said, “It’s All GOOD!” and they were right. All feelings are good because they are nothing more than information there to awaken you to where you are in the moment.
4 Steps to Empowerment
To make mindful choices and respond vs reacting to your Big Emotions, use the FADD System – FEEL ALIGN DECODE DECIDE. You will deescalate Big Emotions more quickly.
Step One – FEEL
First, you have to let yourself FEEL your feelings rather than run from them. Running from feelings of not good enough, inadequate, lost, depressed, lonely, angry, is what had kept me and 100s of my clients, stuck, miserable and broke until we stopped running and started using the information feelings had to offer to know exactly what to do next.
Imagine being in your car and leaving Orlando, FL to head to Miami, FL. After an hour, you look at your GPS and realize that you have been driving north instead of south! You have two choices:
- Rip the GPS out of your car and throw it out the window because it told you what you did not want to know.
- Be grateful that your GPS awakened you know exactly where you are and to redirect you where you want to go!
Step Two – ALIGN
Let’s say you feel angry. Anger is what so many are feeling with Covid-19 impacting our life, livelihood and wellbeing nowadays. When you Align with anger by feeling it, it is like acknowledging you are going north and need to make a U-Turn to get you where you want to go.
Anger can become like a Best Friend there to help you figure out what that feeling is there to tell you so you can transform it into making supportive choices rather saying or doing something you regret.
Step Three – DECODE
Let’s take a look at DECODING Anger. Think of a time you were angry. Write down your answers as we go along.
To decode your feelings, ask yourself “When I feel ______, how do I feel? I feel______.”
I will give you an example of how this works.
“When I feel angry, how do I feel? I feel frustrated.
When I feel frustrated, how do I feel? I feel out of control.
When I feel out of control, how do I feel? I feel powerless.
When I feel powerless, how do I feel? I feel like giving up.
When I feel like giving up, how do I feel? I feel ashamed.”
When I feel shame, how do I feel? I feel sad.”
Anger wanted you to know you are actually feeling SAD. Anger at its base is sad because the cause of your anger actually came from feeling not heard, not respected, left out, disregarded and that is sad.
When you reflect on your anger, where were you not heard? Where did you feel disrespected or left out? Which ever it is, you can now address the cause of your anger and diffuse the situation. Tell your spouse or your child, “Honey, this morning when I asked you to _____________, I did not feel heard. Let me tell you again what it is that I wanted.”
Step Four – DECIDE
By Decoding your feeling, you now have accurate Information to Decide what to do next. Whether it is you who is angry or a child, when you focus on the cause of the sadness, you can defuse the situation more easily and get to the underlying issue rather than focusing on the behavior and remaining angry.
Anger did NOT show up to make you feel bad.
Anger showed up to awaken you to know you were really SAD like the GPS alerting you that you were headed north. Anger showed up to give you information just like a best friend who gives you a fresh perspective on what’s going on.
Start a New FADD
In the past, you might have been afraid of Big Emotions because you felt out of control, and like they could drive you off the cliff. As you can see by using FADD, you can be in control and be guided to get where you want to go.
Join Me – JULY 22nd at Noon – 1:00 pm
4 Steps to Managing Big Emotions
- Discover how to be in-charge of your emotions.
- Connect and communicate more effectively.
- Get the results you are looking for.